Thursday, November 17, 2011

Taking time for yourself

One of the things I have realized recently is that the more I take care of myself, the better I feel about my relationship. I know...I know..relationship guru's have been saying this for YEARS...gimme a break, I'm a slow learner.

Anyway, when I'm so busy taking care of everyone elses stuff and neglecting myself, I rely very heavily on those others for my value and happiness. That's not remotely fair for 2 major reasons

1. I'm a VERY difficult woman to I have very high standards for myself and do not understand people who do not. And even IF they do, they may not be as high as mine, which are the sky high, unattainable type and so they just wont do.

2. Happiness is relative. It's something we perceive as real based on all of the input, including our own mood at the moment. Many times I have heard people say "I should be happy..." because all of the external facts seem to add up to what a person would call happiness, but the feelings of the person in question have a profound effect on how they perceive those facts. My wonderful family could do everything right, everything they know I enjoy and it could still not be enough to make me happy because I'm literally not "feeling" it.

When I take time to do the things that are about valuing myself, when I exercise, when I deny my sweet tooth what it wants in favor of what my body needs, when I take my time to study as I know my mind and spirit needs...then I feel lighter, better, happy without anyone having to try and "make" me happy. When it's like that my relationship with Big Daddy especially is fantastic because I'm not dependant on him to give me what I have neglected to give myself and what it is impossible for him to impart; self worth.

In the interest of sharing this amazing epiphany with others (strap on the boots's gettin deep ;) I have scoured the Internet for some good advice and I will share what I have found here :) SHMILY


Ask yourself:
  • How has your life improved in the last year?
  • What have you done that you never thought you could do?
  • What actions have you taken recently that have yielded positive results?
  • What negative habits have you gotten rid of?
  • What charity work have you done?
  • How have you been a good friend, employee and partner?
  • How are you continuing to improve yourself?
Asking and answering these questions of yourself will help you realize all the things you've accomplished that really matter. This is a key to self-love. Comparing yourself to yourself allows you to see how much you've achieved, obstacles you've overcome and goals that are within reach. It also helps you improve your self-appreciation and gratitude.


.“Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.”
Louisa May Alcott


Stop making your self-worth conditional on other people. Once you try to live up to an image of what you think others want to you to be, you lose self-worth. Instead, you are following a compass set by other people's expectations, whether or not those expectations are clearly defined or implied. Unfortunately, many people live this way, including making such choices as studies, career, where to live, and how many children to have, all based on expectations from parents, spouses, friends, and the media, and mostly because they are afraid of standing up for their own preferences and respecting their self-worth.
  • Be very wary of listening too much to people who regret the choices that they made in life and are willing to inflict their distress or anger at this regret upon others (especially upon the next generation). Such people won't enlighten you as to the path of acting on your self-worth but will try to either live out what they didn't get through you or even expect you to have the same rotten experiences they had by giving poor information, incorrect details, or simply omitting to inform you at all. People with healthy self-worth will share their insights and learning with you, and will be willing to guide you around life's many traps. Look for those people to mentor you rather than being misguided by the unhappy people.
What kinds of things do you to to show a little love to yourself?

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