Stress....its a killer

I'm truly sorry I wasn't able to write last week at all. It was very hot, I was not "handling" the whole heart attack thing very gracefully and...well...I just didn't have the energy for it. I took the last week to really gather my thoughts and begin again. I'm not planning on changing much as far as format is concerned, I'm just writing from a different perspective I suppose.

I was warned about 5 years ago, in the hospital, after a major episode having to do with stress and my heart defect, that I needed to seriously work on reducing the stress in my life and consider making some lifestyle changes. I was at my heaviest ever at that time (A whopping 237...*shudders*) and felt horrible all the time. When they told me I hadn't had a heart attack, just a bad case of event induced anxiety (a stupid name for "My heart did this and I did that") I came home and had KFC for lunch. Yeah...I can be THAT self destructive. It's actually just how I handle fear. If something frightens me I tend to go at it full force, daring it to do whatever I am afraid it will do. Except fish...I just avoid them.

Needless to say a Moose, marital crapola, teenagers and a number of other high stress things did nothing to help me follow the doctors orders. I also didn't have insurance. Well, technically, I had it for a year, but just like I "fell asleep" and missed the dental appointment to have one of my teeth pulled...imagine that....I never found the time to call the specialist, have all the tests done and actually find out how I could keep my heart healthy. I put it all on Big Daddy. "You have to help me do this." I told him. Yeah...and work to support a family of 8, and deal with the Moose, and the teenagers, and the marital crapola just like me...suuuuure. He's superhuman...right? So here I am....a heart attack older and way more afraid of NOT doing the right things than brave enough to dare the fates in anyway. Thank God we all grow up someday...right?

So here's the long and the short. I have 3 major things to work on....just like the rest of the world. Diet, stress and exercise.  Exercise and stress can be taken care of all at once for  me. I love to exercise. I love to walk alone and just feel the world. I also love to dance until I'm breathless, letting the beats and rhythms move me. Both excellent forms of exercise and stress relief...If I take time for myself and do them. Then there's diet. I did allot of research (it was a long week resting on my laurels) took the Dr.s orders, my own nutrition training and what everyone else said and have chosen to do the South Beach lifestyle. Before anyone starts kicking my butt about how diets don't help and I have to be willing to change this and that permanently....I totally agree 100%, That's why I said lifestyle, not diet. Honestly...this "way" of feeding my body feels 100x better than I have felt in a while. (cut out carbs and feel better...who knew? *facepalm*)

The biggest thing I have learned over the past week an a half is that I don't have a cold.

Yeah...I know right?

Heart disease is not something you just get over. It's something you live with. The facts say that only 15% of those who have had an episode like mine actually make the necessary changes long term to live out a full life. 15%!!! Holy macaroons Batman! What is wrong with people? My biggest fear at first was NOT being able to change. I was afraid that I just wasn't strong enough to break 25 years worth of bad habits. You know what though...why not?

 I don't want to live the rest of a miserable existence enjoying rich food with my backside planted firmly on the couch because I CAN'T get up and do things I want to, like teach my daughters the electric slide (I taught Tabby the "bump" this year Laurana...lol she remembers me teaching you when you were younger. very cool) going to six flags with my boys or having a real vacation with my husband. After all I have already fought through in my life, and won, why should this be so daunting. It shouldn't. It IS, but I can keep reminding myself that I CAN do this. And when I'm sure I can't...well, I have Big daddy and Bubba to lean on, Boyo and Zabo to make me laugh, Tabby to hold onto like a security blanket and Moose...well.., at least he's still cute....anyway... Laurana to remind me just how strong the women in our family really are. She's a great example of that. And God...who has never failed me in the slightest degree...no matter how poorly I feel I have treated His blessings and His kindness.

Bear with me people...It's been insanely hot, I've been ridiculously tired....but I'm on my way, I'm getting my groove back...I'll post again soon :)

Much love and blessings to you all

Winter